Speeches 2011 and 2012

Think about this - you’re walking in the park with your family, minding your own business. You’ve got a picnic basket in your hands, full of chocolate cake, apples, donuts and other yummy things. You’re off for a lovely day in the park. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, a butterfly flutters past and you turn your head to watch it glide away, full of wonder at it’s beauty, ……then suddenly, Mum shouts “LOOK OUT!”        SQUELCH!

Everything all goes black with the horror of what has just occurred. 

You’ve stepped……in a steamer.

How did this happen? I’ll tell you. Dog owners. Not all dog owners, just the lazy ones. I have a dog and I love him and we pick up after him. But not every dog owner does.

Now I bet a lot of you have experienced the issue walking on Vicky Ave. It’s a mine field along there. And that’s not the only place. Parks, beaches, sports fields, ……anywhere a dog can go, calling cards get left behind. People leave stinkers on sport fields? Yup, they sure do. So this is what happens, ……“he’s running with the ball he’s about to score, oh he’s slipped over a slimy one and it’s NOT mud!” We’re a sports mad nation. How can we do that to each other? Leaving presents like that behind, just isn’t good.

Anyone actually stepped in it? Gross eh? And I tell you it’s a real pain in the neck to get it out of the tread of your shoe. My Mum gets mad, no boiling mad when it gets stuck in the strollers wheels and I’m telling you that stroller has DEEP treads. She works for ages trying to get that stuff out. With a peg on her nose, rubber gloves up to her armpits and reaching from as far away as she can get, she has to pick that stuff out with a toothpick or it stinks out every walk taken ever after.

This is a warning and a true fact to those despicable dog owners. The council fines you about $250 dollars every time they catch you. So eventually you will be on the streets sitting in YOUR dogs droppings and what will you be thinking? You’ll be thinking, “Why didn’t I pick up those stupid brown things and curse that stupid council”. Well the council isn’t stupid. It’s just trying to keep Auckland clean for all of us.

Anyway I don’t think it’s the council’s job to clean up after silly dog owners that don’t care about anyone but themselves and who think that picking up the little gem their dog just produced is a disgusting job. I’m with the owners on one thing, it is a disgusting job but it’s all part of the job of having a dog. Can’t have one without the other!

So, next time you’re out walking your dog, remember this!

That footpath or field, is NOT a dog loo.

Do the right thing,

Pick up…the POO!

How do you like last years speech to this years?

If life had a remote control.

The speed of life is unpredictable, good times, too fast, bad times, too slow. This probably makes you wish you could go speed up and slow down time, or even go back and forth in it. Now you might be thinking at this second. “He’s right! But how?” Well, how about if life had a remote control and you owned it. If life had a remote control…

Hot afternoon, boring day at school, teacher going on and on about some test coming up soon. You know the feeling. Well get out… the remote control!!! Find the fast forward button and press it. Your teacher’s words would come from bbbllllllllllaaaaaahhhhh bbbbbbbbblllllllllaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh bbbbbblllllllaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh to blahblahblahblahblah blah. Now sit back, relax and listen to a great high-pitched song about tests.

Having heaps of fun on games such as paint ball or laser tag or even just a simple arcade game, when the dreaded voice says “Game over!” You always get that feeling that you want to have a rematch. But you know that you just can’t. If life did have a remote simply hit the rewind button, you can do it as much as you want. As long as you aren’t caught! Now things like that could get you in trouble and that isn’t good at all

“Please repeat, I can’t hear you.” Do you ever get tired of that sentence? I do. So if you can’t hear some one, first, with you’re remote, press the volume button and leave for a while (This should make you be able to hear them) next hit the repeat button. You’ll be able to hear them now, if not start the process again. The repeat button will be quite fun. Say if someone just made a certain noise out of their gluteus maximus. Well, let’s not go there.

Having a remote control in life has it’s goods and bads. If you did own a remote control it could be your responsibility to do stuff for the world. For an example of a bad time, you have the ability to pause things. That would allow you to steal or change the future. If you’re good, you could use it for small things here and there. Or even do stuff to help people. Like save people from a fire by using the pause button. Another question is what if some one else had one. It could be a disaster! Both of you could keep cancelling each other’s commands! The thing is, life doesn’t have a remote control or that we know of. There are some remnants of a remote control, controlling life. Like the power button. Day and night. You get my point? Or some one who is paralysed, they might have been paused. Maybe life does have a remote control?